MARTIN LUTHER: The chicken was already justified, so why did she even try to cross the road?

JOHN CALVIN: The chicken was chosen from before the foundation of the world to cross the road.

JOHN WALVOORD: The road is a terrifying place. But chickens can escape the road if they believe right now!

BILL BRIGHT: All chickens try to cross the road, but the road between us and the great Rooster-in-the-Sky is too great.

HOWARD HENDRICKS: Chickens are not born; they choose to be chickens in the crucible of experience.

AL QAIDA: Strapped to the chicken is a tiny bomb—our answer to Satan’s drones! Die, America!

ORIGEN: The chicken is the heart of man; the road, his body. Crossing the road is just background noise because it doesn’t fit with my interpretation.

BART EHRMAN: There is no proof that ‘chicken’ is in the original manuscript. It could just as easily have been a raccoon.

ROBERT W. FUNK: The chicken is painted black, but the road is pink. The likelihood that ‘chicken’ is what was said is doubtful because there is no proof that chickens existed in Palestine at this time, while roads probably did. The chicken is a later accretion added by pious scribes in the fourth century.

KARL BARTH: Whether this chicken actually existed, we all must face our own chickens so that the Word of the Road becomes real to us.

ROBERT FROST: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood; the chicken took the road more traveled and was squashed like a bug.

TREY GOWDY: We’ll get some answers—or food—when I grill that chicken!

SHAKESPEARE: To cross or not to cross—that is the question. Or not.

POPE FRANCIS: Whether the chicken crossed the road, was road-kill, stayed on this side of the road, or even denied the road’s existence, if it’s a good chicken she will go to heaven.

Chick-fil-A: Be assured, we’ll get her!